Really, it’s not you, it’s me…

snowYes snow, you’re beautiful …  and the way you fall quietly sometimes calms me like no other …  but I’m over you.

These pics are from the last two days, then we got a reprieve most of yesterday, and now it has started again.  And it’s coming down aplenty outside my window right now.

Meanwhile my friends elsewhere are posting wonderful pics of their beautiful Redbud trees and colorful flowers on Facebook which reminds me of how fresh and new Spring  is going to feel.  And even though I think I have really become a Colorado girl at heart,  I’m ready to end this relationship, or at least take a break.

However … if this is my biggest problem today (which is sort of, kind of is … depending on how you look at it) … then I’m doing pretty good.

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Because sometimes you need to make a wrong turn.

berthoud pass

This is one side of the pass. And this pic was taken while it was dry. During the white-out that I drove in, you wouldn’t be able to see the road from this vantage point because of the blowing snow.

I sat up in my seat as straight as I could, like there was an ironing board strapped to my back.  I barely spoke a word as my friend tried to ease the tension with idle conversation.  My eyes were peeled as wide open as I could get them and staring straight ahead as my hands gripped that steering wheel for life. The snow was blowing so hard that I could barely see the car in front of me as we traversed hair pin turn after hair pin turn.  I knew I had to keep up with that white suburban in front of me because his tail lights were helping me see where the road was.

This treacherous trek was the result of my friend and I missing a turn during the four hour trip home from the horse clinic in the mountains a couple weeks ago (What I learned from Babe).  We got to talking so much that once we realized that we missed the turn, we were far enough into the other route home that the gal at the convenience store said we should stay on course and probably end up saving time taking this route home from Steamboat anyway.

I knew this route home involved Berthoud Pass which terrifies me in snowy conditions and I usually let my husband drive it while I close my eyes and breathe deeply or look at my phone to distract myself until we get through it. I’m convinced the reason that mountain real estate is cheaper on the other side of Berthoud is because so many people like me dread this pass in the snow.

berthoud

Photo from The Colorado Highways Site.

But it was bright, sunny and warm as I got back into the car after asking the store clerk. If I had known about the snow storm that would be hitting just as we climbed the pass – just over 30 minutes ahead – I would have turned my car around at the convenience store lickety-split and paid no mind to the time we would lose in doing so.

Needless to say, it was a white- knuckle drive all the way up and back down this pass that terrifies me (all 24 miles of it).  Once we began our upward climb and the snow started to make it hard to see, there was no turning back.  We were committed.  All I could hear in my mind over and over was ‘just keep swimming, just keep swimming.’  (This seems to be my latest life motto.)

And we did it.  MacGyver gave me a huge high-five upon my return home because he knew what an accomplishment it was for me to get over my fears and JUST DO IT on that damn pass, and in a white-out no less.  Now when I drive it this summer I won’t even think twice about being afraid of it.  And that, my friends, ROCKS.

Once again — just as the trusty universe knows exactly when I need to take The Long Way Home — the universe  knew that I needed to make that wrong turn.  And for that I am grateful.

What’s the best wrong turn you’ve ever taken?

On mortality.

chinese proverb

A high school friend of mine died yesterday.  He was 43. Cancer won the battle with his body.

We didn’t stay in touch really other than Facebook and barely at that. And we talked at our last reunion.

But I can see his face.  And I can’t quit thinking about him, his family, and our own mortality.

He was one of the class hunks in high school, with a heart of gold. He will be missed by many.

I see death as a reminder to live, and to do so with honesty, intention and abandon that is even reckless, at least a few times.

How do you see it?

Photo from http://shop.holstee.com/

Photo from http://shop.holstee.com/.
This is framed on my kitchen wall.

Driving through a postcard everyday. Caution: Cheese ahead.

4run front copycheese signAs cheesy as it sounds, and maybe it’s because I’m not a Colorado native, I must say that I appreciate this state’s absolute beauty and splendor every single day.

This state has placed nature squarely in front of my face, giving my soul a little jump start each time I stop to notice.

Here are a few shots over the last few weeks from my life as I drive through postcards.

And I don’t even live on the side of the town with the views…

 

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Across from school drop-off yesterday.

Deer grazing in park on way to Mom’s house yesterday.

View as I cross over the dam to go to Mom's.

View as I cross over the dam to go to Mom’s.

On the long way home afteer school as sun is coming up. (previous post about Long Way Home: https://lifeonwry.com/2012/09/19/the-long-way-home-gratitude-experiment-day-35/)

On the long way home after school drop-off yesterday. (previous post about Long Way Home: https://lifeonwry.com/2012/09/19/the-long-way-home-gratitude-experiment-day-35/) I love the long way home.

On way to school a week or so ago.

On way to school a week or so ago.

In the mountains last week.

In the mountains last week.

One-year old babies at the ranch last week.

One-year old babies at the ranch last week.

View from my bathroom last week.  For real.

View from toilet last week in mountains. For real.

Out of car window last week.

Out of car window last week.

My co-pilot.

My photography co-pilot on a bad hair day.

Postcards can be found wherever we live, if we keep our eyes open. Ever stop and notice?

What I learned from Babe.

Babe

I knew I was beyond “rusty” with my horsemanship skills. I had a horse when I was young for a few years, but I had only taken a few lessons here and there over the last few years. Horses had remained a staple in my dreams but not realistic for my life.

So I knew when I signed up for an intensive horsemanship clinic in the mountains led by a well-known trainer / “horse whisperer” that I would be learning a lot.

But I had no idea what I would learn about myself in the process.

Babe was my horse for the week, as she was when I came to this same ranch a few weeks ago. I remembered that she was hard-headed and we struggled a bit, and that I had much to learn with her.

As the trainer introduced the horses who the twelve of us students would be riding for the week, he mentioned that Babe was one of the most sensitive horses in the arena. A great horse, but very sensitive. I took a nervous gulp. I wondered why the trainers wouldn’t think a more easy-going gelding instead of a quirky and sometimes hormonal mare wouldn’t be a better fit for someone like me?  But I soon realized there was a reason Babe and I were together again.

All of the other eleven riders had more experience than me. Many of them had their own horses and were simply here to fine-tune their skills. I was intimidated from the start as I tried to rein in my self-doubt which began to run wild at the start of each new exercise.

But in the end, as I released Babe from her halter that last day and the snow was falling all around us and she nuzzled her head into my chest, I realized that I had learned much more than horsemanship that week. And that Babe and I had truly bonded and learned from each other. I smiled as I gave her a kiss on the cheek and remembered that I too have been called hard-headed and sensitive on more than one occasion.  It had all been part of the plan.

What I learned from Babe choice

– Sometimes it takes a while to connect.  Babe seemed irritated as we groomed our horses that first morning and would hardly engage or acknowledge me while all of the other horses seemed to be loving the attention. (We’re not all hard-wired the same and some things take time.)

– If you’re having trouble, it’s a good idea to look inside yourself before you blame anyone else. (It’s hardly ever the horse’s fault.)

– Positive energy is key to everything. (I knew this stuff, why had I forgotten that like attracts like, negative thoughts attract the same, positive attracts positive?)

– Horses are smarter than people, and way more perceptive. (It’s always beneficial to leave your ego at the barn door and be truly open to learning.)

– Overanalysis can lead to paralysis. (The brain simply can’t be open to learning new things when it’s bogged down and you’re not breathing and giving it fuel.)

– Everything is relative. (Comparing yourself to anyone is never a good idea.)

– Expectations have got to make sense. (Appreciate a little bit of  improvement so you can be thrilled when you experience more.)

– Know the direction you’re wanting to go and make it happen, even if you’re told otherwise. (As a quote I saw recently says: You have the power at any given moment to say “This is not how the story is going to end.”)  Babe just wanted to make sure I was serious first.

– Visualizing success before you begin calms your soul and primes the pump. (Wow does this ever apply to everything.)

– When you’re leading anyone, they must know you are in charge to feel secure. (They need your guidance and confidence. And it can be given with love and appreciation at the same time.  Balance is a beautiful thing.)

– Never end a day on a negative. Figure out a way to make sure of this with kids, spouses, employees, friends, and yes, animals. (The way we end a day has a lot to do with the way we start the next.)

– Relax.  (When you’re tense others can sense it …  and it affects everything.)

– When things come easily we don’t appreciate them near as much. (The strongest love is born from struggle and sweat.)  Ain’t that the truth.

– Sometimes we’re presented with just the exact challenge that the universe knows we need. (You just have to be open to seeing it.)

Have you ever learned about yourself in a most unexpected place?

E=mc2 Or better yet, a theory on miracles.

car view steamboat

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.

–Albert Einstein

What miracles have you noticed — or forgotten to notice — around you lately?  I took this photo from my car window on the way home from Steamboat. The whitest mountains follow the Continental Divide, which separates the water that drains into the Pacific and the waters that drain into the Atlantic oceans.  Call me a nerd (which I’m okay with), but that’s just cool.  Never-mind the fact that I can snap a photo that cool with my phone which is not much bigger than a deck of cards.Divide sign

Random fact: Albert didn’t like to wear socks.  This went with his overall disheveled look and uncombed hair. He thought socks were a hassle since shoes already seemed to serve the same purpose. Whether at the White House or out sailing, he went sockless.

  Now go find some miracles…

A big slice of gratitude with a side of nature.

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I’m feeling quite lucky to have so many reasons to be grateful today.

I just realized that not too long ago my little ol’ blog reached over 10,000 views!  Thank you dear followers for being with me on this journey as I figure out life (Do we ever really figure it out?).  You are the reason for this blog’s success.

I’m also truly grateful to have had the opportunity to experience one of the most beautiful places on earth over the weekend at a guest horse ranch in the mountains.  Nothing like nature and animals, along with a lack of cell service, email and television to help you recharge.

I’ve also been remiss in formally thanking some wonderful  fellow bloggers out there who have nominated me for two awards. I am always honored and humbled to be celebrated by fellow writers out there.

Special thanks to Food Flavor Fascination for nominating me for the Very Inspiring Blog Award and Glad to Be Alive  and Dressed to Quill  for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award.  I’m nominating them today for whichever of these awards they don’t already have. These are all great blogs you should check out, by the way.

Here are the rules: 1.  Copy and place the award in your post.  2.  Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.  3.  Tell 7 things about yourself. 4.  Nominate 15 fellow bloggers and let them know.

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Now for seven things about myself which you don’t already know (I’m afraid there may not be much left to tell since my blog is quite often a large window into a chunk of my soul, so forgive me if I repeat myself.)

1.  I really can’t stand the overuse of exclamation marks.  More than one at any time seems way too overboard to be sincere.

2. I have almost completely quit drinking diet coke.  This is huge for me.

3. I will probably never quit drinking coffee or martinis.  If I owned two horses I would name them Folgers and Hendricks.

4. The smell of horses and even what they leave behind (pun sort of intended) soothes my soul, as does the gentle sway of their walk with me in the saddle and way my heart  skips in a canter.

5. The velvety soft tip of a horse’s nose is one of my favorite things to feel.  I had a few nibble on my hands this weekend when they were looking for treats as I did this.

6. I am quite possibly more saddle sore today than I have ever been.  Age is a funny thing.alhorses

7.  I am grateful as all-get-out (Okie term) to be this saddle sore and for the fact that MacGyver rode horses with me and now just might be a convert.

Next, there are so many blogs that I enjoy, but I have to narrow it down to 15 bloggers to nominate for these awards (choose which award you would like because you all inspire me and your blog is versatile or I wouldn’t be following it).   Forgive me if you have already received these awards.  There are also many blogs not listed here that I love to follow but may have already given a shout-out too.

Each of these blogs, and many others, inspires me, refreshes me or makes me laugh so hard that I spit out my Folgers. And often they give me a necessary kick-in-the- pants perspective-check right when I need it.

Lifestyle Tea

Fresh Hues

Cancer Killing Recipe

Amy Unjaded

Alzheimer’s Speaks

Enchanted Seashells – Confessions from a Tugboat Captain’s Wife

The Savvy Senorita

Lady Romp

Cresting the Words

Susie Lindau’s Wold Ride

Food Flavor Fascination

Glad to Be Alive 

Dressed to Quill

Diane Gray author

Keeping the Glass Half Full

Thank you for reading.  What are you grateful for right now?  Gratitude truly rocks, but it often requires awareness, practice, and sometimes a sore bum.

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Making a Splash of a Different Kind. PS: I take back every blonde joke I ever wanted to make about Daryl Hannah.

Daryl Hannah TransamAs MacGyver tells me when I get riled up about how unrealistic movies can be, “Honey, it’s only a movie,” I should know better. But back in the day, most movies I saw Daryl Hannah in depicted her in a way that did not make me think of her as a potentially intelligent and interesting person. I fell for her movie typecast, and she in turn raked in some paychecks with that role she was so good at playing.

Today I heard her in an interview on XM radio discussing her new movie project, “Greedy Lying Bastards,” which she produced.  I haven’t seen it yet, so I’m not promoting it.  But I liked listening to her and I was pleasantly surprised. (For those of you who want to quit reading now, you can skip to the best part of this post at the end – look for the asterisks.)

But before you quit reading, know that I am not an over the top liberal.  But I am open minded and I do believe that every action has a reaction.  And there is no way that we can keep increasing our pollution and not expect any consequences. (I did recently trade in my beast of an SUV for a smarter version with much better gas mileage  –  but that’s for selfish reasons to boot.)

I know some of you will automatically be offended by the name of this movie alone and therefore never see it, which makes me question the naming because it would seem to defeat the purpose of getting people to open their minds to at least learning other views of what’s going on with our environment. And to consider why it might seem logical that efforts to change how we consume energy might be thwarted by those whose pocket book would be affected negatively by such change.  To me that makes sense, as does having an open mind to this concept – and to opposing concepts, quite frankly.

(The rest of you who have no problem with the name and are instead checking to see when it comes out and where — it opens nationally March 8.)

Lest I get all political, let me just wrap up by saying  that the best part of listening to that interview was to learn that Daryl practices what she preaches, she makes good practical sense and is she is realistic when she discusses the need to be aware of simply taking care of the world we live in a little better.

*******But the best of all….. I learned that Daryl Hannah owns and drives that TransAm she drove in Kill Bill.  She’s had it converted so that it runs on pure ethanol.  I wonder if she keeps her eye patch in the glove box?

Green Eggs, Some Ham and a Side of Life.

circus

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

A fellow blogger reminded me of the sheer genius of Dr. Seuss and his books —  joyfully rhythmic and seemingly silly, yet all the while spinning wonderful life lessons about the challenges of life and what we can achieve if we set our minds to it.

My boys’ favorite Seuss book was “If I ran the circus” which was originally my husband’s book when he was a child.  I so vividly remember reading it to them and how we would all recite certain parts in unison upon each reading.  Those days went by so very quickly and I had no idea just how quickly the months and years would pass.

Lucky for me, they have turned out to be quite wonderful young men.  And I must give Dr. Seuss partial credit. 🙂

Theodor Seuss Geisel surrounded by his literary works. He holds one of his most popular, The Cat in the Hat.

Theodor Seuss Geisel surrounded by his literary works. He holds one of his most popular, The Cat in the Hat.

About Dr. Seuss

Born March 2, 1904, in Springfield, Massachusetts, Theodor Seuss Geisel was an American writer, poet, and cartoonist most widely known for his children’s books written under the pen names Dr. Seuss, Theo LeSieg and, in one case, Rosetta Stone.  He died in 1991 in La Jolla, California, one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been.

He sold over two million books including some of his most popular: “The Cat In The Hat,” “The Sneetches,” “Green Eggs & Ham,” “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” and “How The Grinch Stole Christmas.”

Yet, even Dr. Seuss was rejected.

His first book, “And To Think I Saw It On Mulberry Street” was rejected 27 times before he finally got a yes. 

One of his most famous rejection letter excerpts read, “This is too different from other juveniles on the market to warrant its selling.”  Wikipedia

Good for Seuss for not giving up. And good for us, indeed.

Related p0st:  http://samanthamcgarry.wordpress.com/2013/03/02/a-letter-to-dr-seuss/

 

 

Crossing lines.

colorfulcoloradoHer eyes watch me blankly as I turn each page and she nods her head occasionally as I narrate  — like she somehow knows that nodding is the expected response.  But the faraway look in her eyes tells me she doesn’t know what I’m narrating for her or who I am.

Little Red Riding Hood was the queen of scrapbook and photo album organization, and for that I am truly grateful.  I enjoy finding new photos that I’ve never seen with her on my weekly Wednesday visits at her house.  Her walking has become unsteady, so Wednesdays I now go to her. She watches curiously as I snap a photo or two with my phone.

I continue to try to spark something in her eyes with old photos like I was able to it seems like just months ago. But Alzheimer’s has now almost completely robbed us of those rare moments of connection, stealing so much more these last few months.

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Many of the photos and mementos we go through page by page bring back such a rush of memories and I would love to talk to her about those moments and scenes from our lives.  Or to my sister. There are so many photos of the three of us.

It’s these moments when I can feel my heart getting squeezed by something deep within me and wrapped in blanket of bittersweet loss.  That’s when I realize I’m holding my breath and that I need to put the albums away until next time.

I remind myself to breathe as I place the albums back on the dusty shelf and shake off the sad like my dog shakes the water off  her back after a bath.

This old photo of my grandparents brought a smile to my face as I remembered taking this same shot of my boys as we crossed the state line on the day we moved to Colorado when my boys were so young just nine short years ago.   I never knew this grandfather but my youngest son carries his name — both of them in the right of these pictures. Who knows, maybe my Mom, little Miss Historian, took the picture of my grandparents.

Life is one transition after another in so many ways.  Some big, some small, some full of joy and some full of sadness, and many a little of both.  The challenge is knowing how to embrace each transition and carry through what we learn to the next one. And to do it with grace.

Tell me your secrets.

peptoI’ve been blocked with my writing for the last week, so I’m trying something different today. Also, since my parents are coming this week to stay with my kids while we are away, a few of these things have been on my mind as I assess the areas of my house that might frighten outsiders.

Below are some random household and life challenges for which I would love any ideas or secret tips. How do you:

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1. Keep your medicine cabinet looking somewhat organized? (Mine is actually pretty organized by type but still looks like a nightmare.)

2. Clean and store vegetable and fruit and keep them visible enough to remember to eat them before they go bad? (Do you clean them before you put in fridge or clean as you eat them?)

3. Maintain a neat and orderly physical desktop while not forgetting about papers requiring action? (I am a stacker but the visual chaos unnerves me at the same time.  There has to be a happy medium.)

4. Keep the incoming mail/ junky area in your kitchen organized?

5. Remember to take your eco-friendly fabric grocery bags with you into the store?  I’ve tried keeping in the car, on hooks inside my laundry room door where I can see them, all to no avail.  Every time I get to the register I could have had a V8  and realize that I forgot my bags once again (as the checker and bagger shoot me looks of disdain and the plastic bags begin to rustle).bag

6. Unblock your writing (when you’re not feeling inspired and you’re worried you’ve forgotten how to write)?

7. Drink more water?  (I’m surprised I function with as little H2O as I consume).

8. Exercise regularly with no excuses?  (I go through bouts of great routine exercise but then when I fall off the rails, why is it so hard to get back at it?  Need ideas.)

9. Make yourself write on a regular basis? (The public challenges I proclaim (like the 100 day gratitude experiment) have worked for me.  But how many challenges can one really do?)

10. Find easy recipes.  Anyone have a website or app they love?