Tag Archives: Gratitude Experiment

Ode to My Grandfathers

gdadBoth of my late grandfathers had May birthdays, and I am particularly fond of May birthdays, as some might know.

With one of these birthdays upon us today. I decided  to honor them both.

They were both kind, patient and good men, and parts of them make me who I am today.

And for that I am truly grateful.

 A Southern Gent

An inventive sort, this Southern gent.

Able to fix anything thrown his way.

An understated man, only said what he meant.

Quietly observing  the day.

…

Happy to let the spotlight shine,

On his wife, for a fuss he thought quite the bore.

Calming the waters throughout their life,

A loving man, with patience galore.

…

And a Northern Gent Wally

The grandfather I never knew,

Walked softly, kind and tall.

To his girls,  forever true,

His heartfelt words touched them all.

…

His love letters made his true love blush,

Funny, sentimental and smart,

He lives on in us,

His wit, all a part.

 

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word Grandfather?

Deep thought Friday … Is your compass in tune?

Katharine-Hepburn

“We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers – but never blame yourself. It’s never your fault. But it’s always your fault, because if you wanted to change you’re the one who has got to change.”

― Katharine Hepburn

An old friend posted this on Facebook today and I had to share it because it is spot-on.

So many times in the world we find excuses and others to blame, when it is in our power to make a decision to change just about anything in our lives.  We are the ones steering our own ship, deciding how to take the waves – head-on or at an angle, with a course, or without.

We decide how to allow others to treat us. If we let ourselves get taken advantage of or treated like we don’t deserve, it’s because we need to look inside and figure out how to set boundaries. And better understand our self-worth.

We decide whether to allow circumstances to affect us in a negative way, or to use them to help spur our emotional our growth and move us forward.

We decide what excuses will impede our goals.  When we say we’re too busy or “it just won’t work,” we are making a choice.

We decide how that guy in traffic who cut us off will make us feel.  Or how someone who was dishonest, who hurt our feelings, or who was even downright creepy, will make us feel. We have a choice … to carry that around with us or throw it overboard.

Compassion and self-awareness are points on our compass.  And sometimes it takes a painful event or two in life to help us establish these bearings.

One thing is for certain, stepping out of ourselves and looking in objectively is the only way to chart our true course.

Here’s to another inspiring bad-ass of a woman who said it right.

The Truth About Exercise – An Introduction – reposted from thefurfiles.com

fern pic1

Reposted from one of my favorite bloggers!  Thefurfiles.com

Great post!  http://thefurfiles.com/2013/01/17/the-truth-about-exercise-an-introduction/

Fern has a background in fitness and I will be sharing some of her posts to help people get motivated to exercise.  Worth the read.

Excerpt:

The truth is, fitness is just like anything else – you get out of it what you put into it. No one is going to hand you toned muscles, great skin, and a strong heart and lungs on a platter.

It involves making sacrifices, and stepping outside of your comfort zone; it involves sweating, and contorting your body into weird positions; it involves being tired and sometimes sore; it involves not always getting to do what you want, and doing things you may literally hate.
Source: bodyrock.tv.

Fern pic

Another excerpt:

One way is by teaching people that everything adds up. A five minute walk to the car, climbing four flights of stairs, gardening for half an hour, a twenty minute bike ride – put it all together, and you get the amount of exercise you need in one day. In the very least, if you don’t have an hour or two to dedicate specifically to exercising, you can try to get it in spurts.

Another way is by educating people about the best methods of exercising. For example, the trend in fitness these days is anaerobic training – short bursts of high intensity work. This type of activity builds lean muscle mass faster and better than regular cardio, and in turn, it increases one’s metabolism more effectively. This is definitely what you want to do if you are trying to lose weight.

And lastly, the best nugget for me:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do people always think they are so different from everyone else on the planet? Nobody wants to do things that make them feel uncomfortable. Nobody really has the time. It’s whether or not you can endure the discomfort, and whether or not you choose to include it in your life that makes a difference.

Twilight zone turned school zone.

irony

As I say often, “You learn something new everyday…” (And as many who know me hear me say even more often, “Every day’s a damn school day.”)

I now better understand the impact that certain infections can have on the elderly and on those with dementia.  They can actually cause delirium.

And I now know that 30% to 40% of elderly patients with serious infection don’t exhibit the usual signs of fever due the inability of the immune system to mount a response to infection due to the effects of aging (or in Little Red Riding Hood’s case – Alzheimer’s).  (I felt like Velma in a Scooby Doo mystery trying to figure out what was causing her further and furious decline.)  If you already have Alzheimer’s, infections can put you into a mental tailspin.  This was our week.

Fortunately, after copious amounts of heavy duty antibiotics and eye rolling, Mom was actually able to come back home this afternoon.  She smiled at me more today and said many more words to me today than she has in the last few weeks.  I even got some bona-fide Mom to daughter smiles which tickled me with delight.

We still will assess where we are with her doctor, but it appears that we have bought a little time for her, avoided the cuckoo’s nest/twilight zone for a bit longer and become better educated in the process.

I also had the privilege of doing a Yoga class today (hallelujah) geared toward technique and theory, which was fabulous.  I also got to wear my awesome new yoga pants. And I got to take a lot of deep breaths, which were welcomed.yoga pants

Oh, and MacGyver discovered a new Chardonnay for me named Irony which seems quite fitting. And it is quite good.  MacGyver makes a damn fine Sommelier.  Which makes me a damn lucky sidekick.

Overall it was a day of education and progress which is ALWAYS a good thing.

Thanks so much for your support on this journey!

What’s the most ironic wine you’ve ever enjoyed?

The Good News. The Bad News. And the Reality Check that’s Needed.

Below is a post that I have re-posted from my new Alzheimer’s blog from yesterday: http://www.laughingatalzheimers.com.

You’ll see some of my past posts from Life On Wry that are related to my Mom and our journey with Alzheimer’s there for a bit as I get this new blog up to speed.  But don’t worry, LifeOnWry isn’t going anywhere!  As always, thanks for being on this journey called life with me!

alzheimer's statistic

Good News.

On several news stations yesterday I heard about the latest government report revealing that cancer death incidents have fallen in the United States by an average of 1.8 percent in men and 1.4 percent in women.  These percentages don’t sound dramatic, until you consider that the numbers didn’t start even falling until after the early 1990s.

Further, scientists report that the incidence of cancer and subsequent deaths could be further reduced if all those with New Year’s resolutions to lose weight, eat healthier, exercise and quit smoking would stick to their plans.

There is still much to be done to research, prevent and combat Cancer, the second most common cause of death in the US, but the fact that these numbers are decreasing – rather than increasing – is good news.

Added to that is the fact that the 5-year relative survival rate for all cancers diagnosed between 2001 and 2007 is 67%, up from 49% in 1975-1977. The improvement in survival reflects both progress in diagnosing certain cancers at an earlier stage and improvements in treatment, according to a 2012 Cancer Facts & Figures report.  In other words, research.

Bad News.

Now for the bad news. Alzheimer’s disease (AD) is on the rise throughout the world.  And there is still no known cure or way to prevent it, no remissions.  In fact, it is always fatal, causing brain changes that eventually impair an individual’s ability to carry out such basic bodily functions as walking and eventually swallowing.

According to a 2012 Alzheimer’s disease Facts & Figures report, about 5.4 million Americans now have AD. By 2050, more than 15 million Americans could be living with the disease, unless scientists develop new approaches to prevent or cure it.

In fact, every 68 seconds, someone in America develops Alzheimer’s. By mid-century, someone in America will develop the disease every 33 seconds. It is estimated that nearly 500,000 new cases of AD will be diagnosed this year alone.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, AD is the sixth leading cause of death in the U.S. and the fifth leading cause of death in Americans over age 65 years. And although the proportions of deaths due to other major causes of death have decreased in the last several years, the proportion due to AD has risen significantly.

Researchers have long noted that funding for Alzheimer’s research lags significantly compared to funding for other major ailments. According to University of Mississippi Medical Center, the $450 million allocated by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) for Alzheimer’s is equivalent to less than 15% of the research funding for HIV/AIDS, less than 11% of funding for cardiovascular disease research, and less than 8% of funding for cancer research.

And for every $28,000 spent on Alzheimer’s patient care, only $100 is spent on research.  In fact, the government funds more nutrition research than it does Alzheimer’s research.

Reality Check Needed.

Through exciting research initiatives, scientists continue to make headway in understanding this devastating disease. They believe we are getting close and even at a tipping point.  We just need a commitment from the federal government to fund the level of research necessary to tip the scales on a disease with these startling numbers staring us in the face.

And we’re getting there. In January of 2011, the National Alzheimer’s Project Act (NAPA) was signed into law by President Obama. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, The National Alzheimer’s Project Act (NAPA) will create a coordinated national plan to overcome the Alzheimer’s crisis and will ensure the coordination and evaluation of all national efforts in Alzheimer’s research, clinical care, institutional, and home- and community-based programs and their outcomes.

But that’s just the beginning. Because there are no survivors of this disease, and those affected directly are largely unable to advocate for themselves and for the need for more research (like many AIDS and Cancer survivors are able to do), we must speak out about the need to federally prioritize the impending Alzheimer’s epidemic.

Members of the public — not just medical and association professionals — need to speak up and take action, to contact their representatives in Congress and become advocates through the Alzheimer’s Association.  To defend helpless Alzheimer’s victims, much like we defend the voiceless for other causes in our society.

The time is now to take action.

Visit the Alzheimer’s Association’s  advocacy pages for a simple way speak up for those affected: http://www.kintera.org/siteapps/advocacy/ActionItem.aspx?c=mmKXLbP8E&b=7516993&auid=8520366

The Alzheimer’s Association — and for Coloradans – it’s the Alzheimer’s Association of Colorado — is the best place for families to go to learn about programs and services available to those on the Alzheimer’s journey, as well as about opportunities to participate in local research through TrialMatch.

Believe me, you have no idea how awesome this organization is until you’re faced with this disease and they help you breathe easier.

alz.org/co | 800 272 3900 helpline 24/7

Waxing Kundalini. 10 Lessons Learned.

buddah

Lessons learned from my first attempt this year to officially get off my butt and exercise (after a much too lengthy hiatus):

1. Too many muffins = muffin top even in cool yoga pants.

2. When you don’t recognize the type of yoga listed, look it up before showing up. (Especially if you can’t pronounce it.)

3. First sign you may be in over your head: When you arrive to check in and say, ” I called and they said this class is okay for beginners”  and the teacher takes a long pause and says “… Uhhh…. well… SURE it is. Welcome….”

4. When all else fails, fake it and act like you know what you’re doing. (No one will notice when you keep one eye open to double check during the eyes closed parts.)

5. Second and third signs that you might be in over your head: When the teacher says she’s picked out a much harder class sequence for after the holiday and she apologizes in advance.  Then, when you’re about to pass out already and the teacher says “okay…we’re almost done warming up.”

6. Do not sit by the only male in the class who is clearly an overachiever with extremely loud and forceful breathing.  (Otherwise it’s far too distracting and windy during the “fire breathing” portions of the exercises.)

7. Figure out where everyone else gets the mantra chanting song sheets ahead of time (watermelon, watermelon doesn’t seem to work when you’re chanting in a  small group).

8. Have a tissue at the ready for the “fire-breathing” parts of the exercises when the teacher tells you to switch from forceful mouth exhales to forceful exhales through the nose. (Especially if you have allergies, it can get messy.)

9. Bring a second tissue for the cleansing song at the end of the 75 minutes of hard core Kundalini yoga.  (You’ll think it’s corny when it starts.  Until you’re wiping away your tears.)

10. You will be sore as hell the next day and probably have a hard time walking down the stairs very quickly.  But you’ll be so proud of yourself that you might even treat yourself to a new pair of cool yoga pants with built-in compression in the butt and gut areas (worth every penny, and a great motivator to go to the next class).

About Kundalini Yoga from about.com: Is Kundalini for You? (the part I probably should have looked up before going) ….

Kundalini is one of the more spiritual types of yoga. It goes beyond the physical performance of poses with its emphasis on breathing, meditation, mudras and chanting. However, the Kundalini sequences can be very physically intense. This type of yoga appeals to those who are up for both mental and physical challenges.

In the end, I’m so glad I tried this class.  I will be going again.  Happy 2013!

Flipping the bird. A Different Take on New Year’s Resolutions.

shoot the bird

Are you tired of hearing about New Year’s resolutions yet?

As cliché as it sounds, I love New Year’s resolutions.  It’s quite liberating to step back and assess which of my thought patterns and habits need to be tweaked or ‘given the finger.’  Kind of like cleaning out the fridge after the holidays.

Especially right after I take down all of my Christmas decorations and re-box them in the basement.  This cleansing ritual helps me settle my thoughts and reach inward to my control panel to adjust whatever habits need some fine-tuning and determine which thinking patterns need to be given ‘the bird.’ (My son has never heard of these ‘bird’ references related to the middle finger gesture.  I know this because he was the co-director in my middle finger photo shoot. My e-book on parenting will be out soon.)

So, let’s get on with it. To which thought patterns and habits shall I flip the bird to this coming year?

In 2013, I am going to give the one finger salute to the following:

1.My inner gremlins.  (Translation:  I will throw negative self talk out the window at every possible turn.) This is particularly important as the new year begins, because this whole resolution thing can often turn into a time when we beat ourselves up about what we didn’t accomplish last year.  I’ve been a lot better about this, which I’m proud of, but I am a work in progress.  My inner gremlins still mess with me.

The trick to taming these gremlins (who like to sabotage us with negative self talk and excuses) is to become aware of them. And notice when they typically start yammering. As a great book for all ages, (Taming Your Gremlin), explains, gremlins hate to be noticed. It throws them off guard and weakens them.  This year I will recognize my gremlins and push them in the corner. (This is when I picture giving the gremlins the one finger salute as I walk away while tuning my self- talk to a more positive station.)

2. The barrage of marketing attempts raging around me at all times.  I will no  longer waste time thinking about buying things that marketers are quite good at making me think that I need. Or waste time thinking about how to redesign my perfectly functional kitchen or closets.  I will focus on what matters.  I will NOT get sucked in by direct mail catalogs, marketing emails, and ridiculous coupons (DAMN THOSE MACY’S SAVING PASS CARDS) that distract me from the more important things in life.  

For goodness sake, I have a marketing background, and I still get sucked in.  This year I will be more cognizant of how I spend my time. Maybe I will set-up an email rule to sort all of my advertising emails (many of them that I signed up for in order to receive discounts that just sucker me in) into a folder that I can open only if a need actually arises?  What a concept.

3. Small stuff that doesn’t matter.  I’m going to think less about what bothers me and instead strive to love more.   I’m going to make time to encourage others, to lift them up, to help others, and to make sure they know how much I care about them.  I will forget about the small, stupid stuff that irritates me. I won’t hold others to my standards, or expect them to behave as I would.  I will turn that little mirror inward  immediately when I start to complain or get irritated.

4. Worry. This year I will worry less and live in the moment more. I will worry less about what people think, about what kind of shape I’m in, about what I wished I had done before today, about my Mom, about whether I’m doing enough, about being far away from so much family, about my kids growing up too fast, about what could, might or will happen. I will live in the moment and do the best that I can as often as I can, and know that it’s enough.

5. The excuses that stunt my personal growth.  I will set aside routine time and plan deadlines for myself this year for writing, meditation, fine-tuning my body and taking better care of myself, learning new skills and taking time to do some things that fire-up my internal engines like painting or volunteering or riding horses.  As a result, I will grow more as a person this year.

6. Going through the motions.  Instead, I will be more awake this year.  I will ‘show-up’ for life.  I will not focus on what’s expected, but rather what feels right.  I will notice and listen and observe.  I won’t play it as safe.

I realize there will be hurdles along the way and that flipping-off all of these negative patterns 100% of the time will not be easy.  (I also realize that I shouldn’t start flipping anyone or anything off in public.) But I’m going to do my damnedest to make some changes and fully engage in this mental tune-up.

It’s going to be a fun year.  Thanks, as always, for being on this journey with me.

Any old thought patterns you’d like to ‘shoot the bird’ to this year?

Wrapping up 2012 with Eleven Random Facts.

barbie

I would like to thank my Canadian blogger friends Dennis at Weird Stuff Happens to Me and Fern at The Fur Files for nominating me for the Liebster award and the Lovely Blog award over these last few weeks. I am always truly honored to be called out by one of my fellow bloggers who entertain and educate me with their words each day.

So now, because I have received these awards, I am supposed to list seven or eleven random things about myself and nominate other bloggers for awards.

For past awards I have listed what I think are the main random things about myself (that I’m a germaphobic, martini-drinking, stubborn-as-hell Taurus who curses like a sailor and likes old cars and fart jokes as much as a third grade boy).  And if you read my blog you already know a heck of a lot about me, but here are a few more random facts you probably don’t know:liebsterlovely

1.  I like plain Folgers coffee better than Starbucks coffee — I can hear the gasps of astonishment and bewilderment now.  (Thank God there is something I don’t spend too much on).

2.  When I find something I like (as in clothes or gadgets), for some reason I think I need two or three of them, sometimes in different colors.  (Is that hoarding?)

3.  I am the all-time MASTER of procrastination. (So much so that I still haven’t read the How to Stop Procrastinating book I bought 20 years ago)

4. I have one friend who receives gifts from me each year that are either related to Jason of Friday the 13th movies or to Barbie arms (Long story on both.  Always on a quest for a better Barbie arm gadget – see pic of ring holder and earrings.)

5.  I have more half-read books than probably anyone on the planet. (Most likely another symptom of my undiagnosed ADD.)

6.  I really want to spring for an Elfa closet install/makeover through the Container Store. (I go through this every January during their big sale and I never pull the trigger.)

7.  I’m eating nacho cheese Doritos right now instead of  one of the many healthy items I have in my kitchen so that I will eat healthier. (Like apples, oranges, carrots and healthy nuts – got tons of  all of these.  Wouldn’t pretty much anything be healthier than Doritos?  Even a bite of a tire…)

8. If doomsday had come on December 21st, there is enough food in my pantry to feed the neighborhood for a few months.  (Maybe I lived during the depression in a former life?)

9. I buy FAR TOO MANY throw pillows.  (It’s ridiculous. The ones on my sectional now still have tags on them until I can decide if they are keepers.) And why are they called “throw” pillows?  Are we supposed to throw them at each other?

10. I’m obsessed with 1980s era Porsche 911s.  (Particularly one named Lola.)

11. No matter what hotel, home or condo we ever visit, I always sleep on the side of the bed that’s not by the window. (I have no idea why on this one, but I am subconsciously consistent about it.)

Here are some bloggers I would like to give some shout-outs to (If you are one of them, please pick which award you would like and list 7 or 11 random facts about yourself and nominate seven fellow bloggers.  I think I’m supposed to pick blogs with fewer than 200 followers – I apologize if I goof since it’s hard to tell sometimes. Also hard to remember who already has what award. If you’re not listed, I may have already nominated you for something or will soon!

These bloggers make me laugh so hard that my family says “WHAT MOM?” or they make me think or cry or smile on a daily basis.  So many great ones that it’s hard to narrow some down.

Here goes: Free Penny Press, Emotional Fitness Training. Keeping the Glass Half Full, Life with the top down, Lorna’s voice, Ambling & Rambling, Writing Life Stories.

So there you have it.  Have a great New Year’s Eve celebration, whatever you do and wherever you do it!  Just BE SAFE.lifeonwrybumpersticker

What’s something random about you?

2012 in review – Life on Wry.

WordPress.com  prepared a 2012 annual report for lifeonwry.com, which I began actively attending to (making  myself write for!) in August. Pretty cool little report on this little ol’ blog.  (And pretty smart marketing technique on behalf of WordPress.) Thanks for following me on this journey of gratitude, of self discovery and growth and of the wryness of life.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 7,700 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 13 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Ten Things – What Christmas Means to Me.

chinese-turkey

1. Family. This year, like many years of late, we get the extra bonus of having my sweet niece (aka daughter, best friend, sister) here with us. Then on top of that,  we get to see some of my cousins and their families in the mountains for a few days after Christmas which is an extra special family treat. We also miss our family who we don’t get to see on Christmas but who we keep near to us, in our hearts.

2. Food.  In particular, a much more expensive slab of meat that I usually buy which traumatizes me because This Bitch Can’t Cook and I don’t want to ruin it.  Plus, lots of other wonderful food like buttery mashed potatoes and pie.

3. Tradition. My family tradition Christmas cookies and the old tin cookie cutters that were my Grandmother’s which I use to make them.  I always think of my mom having the dough ready for me after school to help her press out the cookies when I got home.   I would help her make green and pinkish red buttery frosting and we would carefully frost each one and add multicolor sprinkles.  Every bite brings back those memories tenfold.  I can’t remember a year when she didn’t make them for us or when we didn’t’ make them for her.

4. Meaningful Moments.  A Christmas tree so pretty each year that I can’t stop staring at it  — with multicolored lights and each branch covered in sentimental ornaments.  Nothing about it matches which makes every glance meaningful.

5. Festivities. Fun and new cocktails that my niece makes for us – usually cranberries involved — with a jazzy Christmas song playing in the background.

6.Memories. Sleeping in my sister’s bed on Christmas Eve when I was little (this was a treat as she only let me do this on certain holidays).  I swear I can feel her green checked bedspread at my fingers now and picture and smell the antique furniture that surrounded her bed.  And hear myself asking her if it was time yet to go downstairs.

7. More Memories. My Grandma sitting in our green and white wing back chair with her slippers on in our fancy room watching my sister and I open gifts with an occasional giggle, especially when we opened whatever Madame Alexander doll she had given us that year.  She had a smile and giggle that were perfection.

8. Music.  Especially our Charlie Brown Christmas album that my husband has played every Christmas morning since we’ve been married for the last 21 years.  This, with a hot cup of coffee and crumpling wrapping paper noise — more perfection.

9.  Joy. Exemplified by our dog Tony completely freaking out when he hears us opening gift bags and rattling tissue paper on Christmas morning because he thinks every bag has a new toy or bone for him (this dog has a good memory).  Monkey dog follows suit.

10. A tradition of Counter-Tradition.  Staying in our pajamas well past noon on Christmas. Going to the local Chinese restaurant down the street on Christmas night (we do our big home meal on Christmas eve).  Being the only Christmas- celebrating folk there makes us feel ‘edgy,’ as my niece would call it.  Always reminds me of the Christmas Story movie (You’ll poke your eye out) and the restaurant scene with the singing and the duck (Chinese Turkey) – CLASSIC – you have to click and watch this scene.

What does Christmas mean to you?  

Wishing you and yours the happiest of holidays….

Top Thing I Really Should Have Learned in 2012. (Top Ten Continued)

Top Thing I Really Should Have Learned More About in 2012: MATH

As a kind and gracious reader of my last post pointed out, I left out #5 on my top ten lessons learned. I’ve always said as a Journalism major, I simply don’t do math. But really, that’s pretty funny.

So what would number 5 really be?

snowintree

Well, as I drove home from school drop off this morning, I couldn’t help staring wide-eyed at the snow all around me.  And noticing how soft it felt under my boots and as it landed on my sweater. I wanted to take a picture of every tree with snow perfectly placed on its branches as I drove past them this morning .  I know it sounds corny, but I really don’t care.

Even at 20 degrees this morning, I couldn’t help smiling.  I even went back outside after my return to take my neighbor’s paper to her doorstep.  It was so beautiful and perfect and soft that I seriously didn’t notice the 20 degrees.

I have learned the importance of stopping and noticing so much more in 2012.  Maybe it’s the writing that has made me more observant.  Or the introspection that more disciplined writing has spurred.  Or maybe this gratitude thing has really started to change my view in a way more significant than I had realized?

But it feels right despite its borderline cornitude.  I’m slowing to notice the snow, the deep orange and pink skies letting the sun out from under its covers early in the morning and the brilliance of the moon in our bathroom skylight before I close my eyes. The way petting my little red furry muse (monkey dog) warms me inside and makes my blood move more thoughtfully through my veins. The way so many people and things are not what I had first thought before I started this process.

The twinkle in my sons’ eyes when I spend extra minutes to encourage them and talk to them before they go to bed. The way each year we think our Christmas tree is the prettiest we’ve ever had. The way my Mom’s giggle was back (even if temporarily) when I visited her yesterday as she picked up one of the bills I was paying over the phone and gestured to it like it had the best joke written on it that she had ever read. Even though she lost her ability to read and comprehend a good year or so ago.

Maybe a part of my brain that was asleep has peeled the covers back to take another look?  I hope it never goes back to sleep.

Indeed, that is the number 5 lesson learned for little Miss Math Challenged … how powerful the effect of stopping and noticing can be.

What have you stopped and noticed today? 

Top Ten Things I Learned in 2012

treepiper

10. There is no need to beat myself up about anything if I’m doing the best that I can.

9. I should never, ever stop learning.  There is still far too much to learn.

8. I am the #1 advocate for my children and should never be intimidated to advocate for them; it’s my job.

7. If we keep our eyes and hearts open, an unexpected smile, a delightful conversation or a great lesson can be found at every turn.

6. Childhood only happens once for our kids, and they’ll be gone before we know it.  Even if we’ve had a long day, we should teach them every single day how to be the kind of adults we hope they will be. And a lot of that is done by example.

4. If  I don’t like something, figuring out how to change it instead of bitching about it makes a whole lot more sense.

3. It doesn’t do any good to worry about what I can’t control.  Instead follow Dora’s advice in Finding Nemo: “Just Keep Swimming, just keep swimming….”  It will work out, whatever it is.  That was one smart fish.

2. Gratitude can make a hell of a difference in my life.

1.  Life is short so I should not sweat the small stuff and instead focus on making a difference in this world, which feels crazy good.

I learned a lot more than this in 2012, but these were definitely some highlights.  Thanks – as always – for being on this journey with me.

What are a few top things you learned this year?

White Christmas Dreams and Santa’s list. Damn that Christmas music. (Grasping for Gratitude)

Christmas tree

I know better.  I really do.  What kind of holiday high was I on to think that turning on old holiday music while I decorated my tree during a Little Red Riding hood visit was a good idea?

Being a bit of a sentimental sap already (especially with old tunes), holiday music has a way of making me miss ‘what was’ more than any other kind of music.  Thoughts of my Mom and sister and I decorating the tree while the Christmas music blared into our fancy room with green carpet and yellow velvet love seats, and all of my Mom’s plants all around the room.

I would get so upset if they started to hang one single ornament or place one strand of silver icicle tinsel garland before I was there with them.  They knew what a younger kid complex I had, so they were very patient with me.  We would get the tree decorated perfectly, just in time for our cat Rascal to knock the whole thing over during the night.

So while my Mom (Little Red Riding Hood) was here today for her Wednesday visit, I thought some holiday music might put a little sparkle back in her eyes while I worked on my Christmas tree so the boys could decorate it later.  Sometimes little things like this can bring her back for a moment. But sometimes reaching for those random lucid moments can be downright exhausting.

I’m really not sure if she even  knew who I was today.  She barely spoke a word and her Alzheimer’s seems to have progressed to a new level. She can’t really dress herself and she seems to have little energy.  I can’t really be sure if she still thinks I even look familiar.  She hasn’t known our names for about two years now.

I kept asking her if the new garland looked okay on the tree and if she liked it.  Not even a smile — which is usually the saving grace of these encounters.  She just looked at me like a was a complete stranger yammering at her and she continued to pick up tree needles from my floor.

As I adjusted my tree ribbon and listened to Bing Crosby drone on about his White Christmas dreams and someone sing about Santa coming to town and checking that list twice, a few tears streamed down my face in slow motion.This isn’t going to get any better and I just hope it doesn’t drag out forever, for everyone’s sake.  And I feel guilty for thinking that.  Nobody gets better with this disease.  They just run out of life.

I tried not to let her see my tears, even though I really don’t think she could notice.   I wished I could have called my sister to complain, whine or speculate about what’s next on this dim horizon.  But I haven’t been able to do that for 13 years. She left me here to figure all this out, even though I know she didn’t mean to.

I know in my heart I have so much to be grateful for.  My health, my family, a roof over my head, my friends…..  But this morning just sucked.

So after a few songs, a few more tears, and a few more blank looks from my Mom who was still collecting dust bunnies and needles from my floor, I grabbed the remote from the table, clicked off that damn music and walked away from the tree.  My throat was tight from my pent up tears and I took a deep breath.

I noticed Mom had something in her hand.  It was a grocery list that my stepdad had written and probably thrown away. She must have had it in her pocket. It was in three pieces and she kept looking at the pieces and refolding them. She’s been a list-maker since I can remember. I grinned because some old habits really do die hard.

Who knew what was going through her head while that music played and I decorated a tall outdoor tree in the center of my living room?  Maybe running her fingers over the little pieces of that list in her hand brought her some kind of comfort that she needed.  If that’s the case, I’m certainly grateful.

Code Blue: Gratitude Withdrawal! (Next Challenge is ON, Baby.)

As the holidays approach, I’m embarrassed to admit that this week has been entirely sucky. I’ve felt overwhelmed by life in general, by my only-child parent care-taking guilt and worries, my kid obligations and stress, and my work, which continues to dramatically uninspire me as I cram on deadlines until midnight only to write more editions of corporate gruel.  And the fact that I already received my first Christmas card in the mail a few days ago – WHILE IT’S STILL NOVEMBER FOR GOD’S SAKE, PEOPLE – sure as hell didn’t  help. (No, it wasn’t a Thanksgiving card, which would have been fine. Doesn’t everyone know that most citizens ceremoniously TORCH cards that come that early in November only to stress us the hell out about how behind we are?)

I seriously think the main reason for my crappy mindset this past week is due to my lack of gratitude blogging, which I had been doing religiously for 100 days.  I should have been celebrating this 100-day success all week, but instead I was busy being irritated and overwhelmed by everyone and everything.  I think the diagnosis is full-on gratitude withdrawal. Either that or everyone and everything is getting on my nerves on purpose, which you never know.

So here’s the deal:  My next challenge will be to blog about Grasping for Gratitude – One Day at a Time –  for a minimum of three days per week for as long as I feel like it. But I can’t stop until I proclaim another challenge (that way the procrastinator beast within me is held somewhat accountable).

Thank God I took exercise out of this next challenge.  I am grateful for my openness to try it and for my ability to see that it wasn’t going to fly. I really don’t need anything else to feel guilty about.  So let’s pretend like that never happened. (I’ll exercise anyway as much as I can, but it won’t be part of my blog.)

This Grasping for Gratitude idea will also be the focus of some other writing I am working on. I have talked to so many friends lately who have hard stuff (crap) going on in our lives right now — as we all do (if not now, then at some point).  And, frankly, the only way we’re going to make it to the other side of whatever we’re dealing with — without turning into resentful, grumpy or bitchy people — is by grasping for gratitude as if our life depends on it.  And I’m determined that when we make it to the other side (or onto our next chapter), we become stronger human beings who are more compassionate, more self-aware and more centered.  This is my goal.

So …  I’ll take a shot of gratitude, with a little salt and lime on the side.  This will help me get past the gaudy, overboard, unmatching lights that went up in my neighborhood several days BEFORE Thanksgiving (Bah Humbug) that make me insane.  (And that I find so particularly ironic considering I live in such a crunchy energy-conserving state.)  …. Along with many other things that make me nuts. (Thank goodness my friends and family enjoy nuts.)

Whew, I feel better.  Thanks for your patience with my little rant. And thanks – ever so much – for your support on this journey.

I challenge YOU to jot something down that you are grateful for every time you read one of my Grasping for Gratitude posts. Grab a notebook or pad of paper (nothing fancy – that’s just a procrastination technique), or start a running document on your computer’s desktop – and start a simple list of what you’re grateful for – one day at a time. You’ll thank me later.

What are you grateful for today?