Tag Archives: finding self

Ode to My Grandfathers

gdadBoth of my late grandfathers had May birthdays, and I am particularly fond of May birthdays, as some might know.

With one of these birthdays upon us today. I decided  to honor them both.

They were both kind, patient and good men, and parts of them make me who I am today.

And for that I am truly grateful.

 A Southern Gent

An inventive sort, this Southern gent.

Able to fix anything thrown his way.

An understated man, only said what he meant.

Quietly observing  the day.

…

Happy to let the spotlight shine,

On his wife, for a fuss he thought quite the bore.

Calming the waters throughout their life,

A loving man, with patience galore.

…

And a Northern Gent Wally

The grandfather I never knew,

Walked softly, kind and tall.

To his girls,  forever true,

His heartfelt words touched them all.

…

His love letters made his true love blush,

Funny, sentimental and smart,

He lives on in us,

His wit, all a part.

 

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word Grandfather?

Conversation with a Tree.

solo treeTrees that stand alone,

Of all ages and types.

Whisper to me,

And remind me to breathe,

With perspective anew.

Silent and strong,

Unwavering against the wind,

Trying to bend and break.

Reaching up to the sky,

And the gracious sun.

Thankful to be.

Do trees speak to you?

No matter where you go, there you are.

personallyIt’s been a heck of a year or so, and Little Red Riding Hood is now safe and sound in her new digs.  I am starting to breathe a little deeper, despite the periodic pangs of guilt that I work to suppress each time I drive away.

So when an opportunity to tag along with MacGyver on a work trip to Spain came along – during a favorite week of mine and for mere pennies at that – I took it as a sign.  A sign that it was time to shake off the worries of the last few years like a wet dog after a year-long bath.  And figure out how to jump on that plane.

As such, LifeonWry is Madrid-bound, as of this Saturday. I’m hoping to write while there and I’ll try to post on my blog.  I may even try to figure out how to pre-program some posts to appear while I am gone (no promises there).  So please standby if my little ol’ blog experiences any technical difficulties or extended pauses.spain

I am grateful to have such a wonderful travel opportunity present itself and to be able to take advantage of it.  Also grateful that my parents are willing to shake up their life for a week and watch our boys for most of the time while we are gone, while my dear friend, who is like a sister to me,  will stay for a few nights as well.  My friend’s mother, who is an extra mother to me (I’ve been blessed to have a few), will help out with my friend’s son while she is gone so that she can come to Colorado for a few days.

Having people like these in my life is yet another example of why my life is rich beyond measure.  All involved were on a mission to make it possible for me to go on this trip with MacGyver. And they jumped at the opportunity to spend quality time with my boys who are growing up so very quickly.post office

Traveling and experiencing new and different places is quite possibly as important as education.  I’m convinced that travel..and living in places different from what we are accustomed  to… broadens our minds by knocking down the boundaries set in place by our own experiences.

Too often our minds get boxed in by the familiar and only a change of scenery or culture can wedge them loose.  Perhaps that’s why my Grandmother called me her Gypsy granddaughter, God rest her leopard-shoed soul.

I am grateful that my parents taught me to appreciate travel and other cultures when I was young, and that I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to teach it to our sons.

There are so many quotes about travel that I love.  Twain’s view on travel is perfectly stated.  As is this one by Ralph Crawshaw:

“Travel has a way of stretching the mind. The stretch comes not from travel’s immediate rewards, the inevitable myriad new sights, smells and sounds, but with experiencing firsthand how others do differently what we believed to be the right and only way.” -Ralph Crawshaw

I will have a few days on my own in Madrid to get good and lost (for I am She-ra, Queen of the Compass-Challenged).  So I know that I’ll have some interesting stories to tell.  So stay tuned, my friends.  Stay tuned.

What are your thoughts on seeing new places?  What does travel mean to you?

Headline quoted from The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension.

 

Feeling lucky?

morning

I snapped this as I was leaving the school parking lot this morning. I’m lucky this is my view every weekday as I drive away from the school.  The others waiting to pull out of the lot behind me are not so lucky.

I’m feeling lucky.  Lucky, that is, that I discovered WordPress and to be part of the WordPress family.  (As well as to have stolen this shot of the sun peeking out of the clouds this morning.)

As I’ve told many, I feel truly grateful to have such a wonderful group of bloggers out there who are so very supportive and kind.  It really is like having another family out there.  Fellow bloggers who don’t judge or compete, instead offering kind words of encouragement and support.  I truly thank you.

I’ve been nominated for the WordPress Family Award by Sonel, writer of  Sonel’s Corner (I get to experience Hartbeespoortdam, South Africa and wonderful photos through her blog), and Kira, writer of Wrestling Life, who writes some terrific poems and is also part of the Rome Construction Crew organized by Green Embers, and Let’s Talk About Family who is a wise and caring fellow soldier in this parental Alzheimer’s battle.

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Thank you so much for nominating me. I am honored to be considered part of your WordPress Family.

The founder of the The WordPress Family Award established the award because they felt that the WordPress family had taken them in and showed them love and care like a family, always there for them.  Even though we may never meet in person. I’m continuously impressed by how cool of a concept this blogging thing is.

Here are the rules to accept the WordPress Family Award:
1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. Nominate 10 bloggers who’ve had an impact on your WordPress experience
4. Let them know you have awarded them
5. That is it. Just please pick 10 bloggers that have taken you in, and spread the love.

This is the part I don’t like – having to narrow down just ten bloggers who have enriched my blogging experience in these short nine months.  There are so many! Please know that ALL of my readers and fellow bloggers enrich my blogging experience in a positive way each day, and for that I am grateful to each of you.

So here are ten of you who I feel like I could easily hang out at Starbucks with even though I’ve never met you (hoping that doesn’t creep you out).  Some of you have been with me since the early days last fall, and some just over these last few months.  All of you provide perspectives on life that make me breathe more deeply, or smile, or laugh, cry or think.

Free Penny Press

Nature Restores Me

Transformed by the Journey

Diane Gray

Lame Adventures

Sonel’s Corner

Wrestling Life

Let’s Talk About Family

Angie Inspired

Ambling and Rambling 

There are so many more that this list could go on and on.  Thank you all!

What do you feel lucky about today?

It’s not personal. Four agreements to remember – which one is your favorite?

personally

This quote is from the author of a book I always keep somewhere where I can at least see the hint of the cover at least daily as a reminder.

Don Miguel Ruiz is the author of  The Four Agreements which describes four principles to practice in order to create love and happiness in your life, and free ourselves from the incredible amount of baggage we all carry around.  They sound simple, but they are harder to consistently live by than you might think.

The agreements are based on the Toltec wisdom tradition which originated in southern Mexico thousands of years ago. It is not considered a religion, but a philosophy accessible to anyone open to its insights.

In a nutshell:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.  (Little Red Riding Hood always told me if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.)

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.  (This one is the hard to remember, but one that I have implemented in various areas of past conflict or hangups in my life,and it has made my relationships so much richer.  This one is huge.)

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. (Think how different the world would be if no one made assumptions. I need to work on this one.)

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.  (This one has come in very handy with my latest challenges with my Mom.  I have absolutely been doing my very best to ensure her well being and safety this last few years since her health has dramatically declined.  Thank goodness I can realize this without hesitation most days.)

My version of this , summarized:

1.  Keep my mouth shut if it’s not my business to tell or judge.

2. Most of the time, it’s not about me. Everyone has their own bag of issues.

3. Assumptions create problems, often where none exist.

4. My best is the best I can do.

Which agreement is your favorite?

A Different Kind of Moving Day

honeymoon

Moving Day in 1991: MacGyver and I were just married and Connecticut-bound. That little truck was full of hand-me-down furniture from our parents. We just needed streamers and cans tied to the back of our little caravan to make the picture complete.

So many “moving days” flash through my mind like a slideshow in an old Kodak carousel.

Up to this point, moving days that I recall have been full of happy memories.

My nervous anticipation as I unpacked my little red car to move into my first college dorm room.  And the bittersweet excitement I felt when MacGyver and I left my hometown in our little Budget rent-a-truck as newlyweds to drive 1500 miles away and start our life together.

My overflowing sense of pride as we moved into the first little house we purchased years later, and the unbound  joy we felt as we brought our babies home from the hospital and moved them into their newly decorated little rooms.

I can also envision moving my kids to their own college dorm rooms in the not-so-distant future, as hard as that is to believe.  Just imagining  how bittersweet that will feel puts a lump in my throat.

So many moving days filled warm, bittersweet feelings.

Then there’s tomorrow. A move-in day I hadn’t really ever imagined, mostly out of denial. The day I move my Mom into a nursing home.

A wonderful, safe and perfect place for her.  But a nursing home no less.

She doesn’t recognize me much any more and her head has started to hang lower as if  her little neck muscles are starting to give up, so I don’t think she will be sad about the move.  Correction: I pray that she will not be sad, or give me that far-away, but at the same time, not-so-far-away look in her deep, beautiful, soulful brown eyes.

Our roles have now reversed.  And as such, I have written her name in Sharpie on the labels of all of her clothes and towels as I have packed them for her moving day. As if I’m getting ready to take her to camp tomorrow.

It’s all very surreal in so many ways, as the snow spins in the wind outside my window this first day of May.

A new and different kind of ‘moving day’ indeed.

Now that’s a great return on investment.

candleWhen we give of ourselves – whether it be through love, encouragement or understanding – it costs us nothing.

Yet, as with a candle that lights another, the light is multiplied with each new candle lit.

Now that’s a great return on investment.

Sunset Reset.

sunsetFrom within or from behind, a light shines through us upon things, and makes us aware that we are nothing,  but the light is all.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

I took this photo last night from my friend’s back patio.  Just looking at it again – even as a photo – makes me breathe easier.

Just as the setting of the sun helps birds all over the world to find their way, that same sunset can clear the way for what the new day holds for each of us.

When was the last time you watched the sunset?

Goldilocks mission for Little Red Riding Hood successful thus far: The dreaded nursing home decision.

little redI haven’t written any posts for more than a week. I’ve been a bit numb from the drain of the last weeks with Mom, or Little Red Riding Hood, as I like to call her on my blog. And I know you readers enjoy my more light-hearted posts. So I’ve been torn about writing about Little Red Riding Hood for the last month or so. But it’s part of my Life on Wry, so I’m sharing a post I wrote today for my other blog, Laughing at Alzheimer’s (because laughing doesn’t’ make my mascara run).  So here we go.

Nursing Home selected. Check. (I’m tired … are you?)

The much anticipated intervention meeting with my Stepdad was successful. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy convincing a man that it’s best for his wife of 30-plus years to be in a nursing home because of the level of care she needs. But the hospice folks helped me get through this difficult conversation. It had to happen. I was losing too much sleep worried about them both.

We ended the meeting with him open to the idea and to hearing about my top choices after researching and touring area nursing homes that were a potential fit.

The next day when I came to help with Mom, I again explained to my Stepdad that I wasn’t trying to be pushy, but that I felt – for various reasons that I explained and probably over-explained – that it was the right thing to do for both of their safety and well being, as hard as it was to formulate those words.  He knew I didn’t take this lightly and that I had been researching options for when the next shoe might drop (after our infection in December sent Mom into a tailspin of decline). He knew my heart was in the right place.

In true Goldilocks style, I have been researching and touring various nursing homes of various sizes with differing amenities and programs. Small, medium, big homes, ones with lots of programming and little programming, ones close to my house and close to my parents’ house, in the lower, medium and higher price ranges.

I participated in these tours almost robotically, as if for a work project for which I was designing a features and benefits grid in order to write a brochure about their differences. I only cried on the way home from the tours a couple of times. It was a completely surreal experience. I wanted to have my sister with me, but it wasn’t an option. She’s been gone for 13 years. This was a solo mission. And she was with me in spirit, I really think she was.

After I went through all of my notes and all of the brochures with my Stepdad he agreed. He said it sounded like I had a favorite and he liked my rationale. I gulped and told him how much pressure that was to be the one to pick and he calmed my nerves and reminded me how much effort I had put forth. Was he really on board? He would go see it with me later in the week (last week) and bring his checkbook for a deposit if it felt right.

Was I hearing him right? Was he really on board? Don’t get me wrong, this took much time and many “come to Jesus” conversations, as I like to call them, over the last couple of years, and more angst than I can even explain. But he knew I seemed more serious this last few months since Mom’s decline. And he knew, in his heart, it was time. But was I actually hearing him agree with me on this subject for which I dreaded the very thought of? Indeed.

I explained to him how one of the nursing homes just felt right to me and I could picture Mom there. How natural it even felt with the Executive Director who gave me the tour. She reminded me of someone dear from my hometown. So many things made it seem like the right place. I drove away dabbing tears and pulling myself together, knowing that it was the place my Mom should be.

I took my Stepdad a couple days later. It was clear to me that he had taken some time to think about this whole issue, and felt even more resolve that the stimulation and care she could receive was what would be best at this point in her decline. I was still in shock that this was really happening and that I had steered our ship to this point.

Tomorrow the ‘assessment team’ from the nursing home will assess her at my parents’ house. To determine her needs, and that the facility is a good fit. Now that we’ve come this far, I only hope it will all go smoothly. I know it’s going to be a rough ride, but surely it can’t be more rough than the last couple of years, right? I’m probably wrong about that aspect, but I still know in my heart it’s what is best.

I’ve already picked out a comforter and curtains for her little room. They have flowers and the colors of pink roses in them like she likes, or liked anyway. And I have a list ready of what all that I will furnish her room with, from photos and knick knacks to her wall calendar and hand lotion. My stomach is wrought with unease, and I wake each morning consumed with guilt and wishing my sister were here to tell me I’m doing the right thing.

We’ll see what tomorrow holds. I’m going to think positively. Besides, that’s what I tell everyone else to do all of the time.

But being a grown-up really does suck sometimes. And it makes me tired.

Wish me luck.

Note to self: Shut your mouth.

mouthSo, my sixteen year old son got his first speeding ticket.

Before you judge, know that he was reprimanded sufficiently and that he will be paying the fine.  And that the ticket was reduced to a defective vehicle violation.

He also beat himself up about it more than sufficiently, as he was clearly upset and remorseful. Days later, as his remorse continued, I decided that the best way to make him feel better about the whole thing would be to begin recounting my litany of violations and mistakes with regard to automobiles when I was young.  I was on a roll and my stories kept getting better and better.

As the words rushed out of my mouth at full speed, MacGyver looked at me puzzled, as if wondering why I thought this was a good idea. But I didn’t get the hint.

Then at some point, thank goodness, I realized that I needed to shut my mouth.  But … as it is on many occasions … it was too late.  I have only my lack of caffeine that morning to blame for this lapse in judgement.  Duh.

Ever realized you needed to shut your mouth when it was too late?

Really, it’s not you, it’s me…

snowYes snow, you’re beautiful …  and the way you fall quietly sometimes calms me like no other …  but I’m over you.

These pics are from the last two days, then we got a reprieve most of yesterday, and now it has started again.  And it’s coming down aplenty outside my window right now.

Meanwhile my friends elsewhere are posting wonderful pics of their beautiful Redbud trees and colorful flowers on Facebook which reminds me of how fresh and new Spring  is going to feel.  And even though I think I have really become a Colorado girl at heart,  I’m ready to end this relationship, or at least take a break.

However … if this is my biggest problem today (which is sort of, kind of is … depending on how you look at it) … then I’m doing pretty good.

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Who’s making you crazy today?

openheartI urge you to let it go.

And you should urge me to do the same.  Because sometimes I’m great at giving advice, but horrible at listening to it for myself.

This is something that I’m working on. And it’s a tough one for me.

When people disappoint me, I have to remind myself that:

a) it’s rarely ever personal and who knows what  is going on in the other person’s life that I may not know about,

b) it does no good to waste my energy being disappointed,

c) negative thoughts just attract more negative energy,

d) it takes away from me being present and in the moment, and finally …

e) there is probably something I could learn from it.

So there you have it.

What disappointment or frustration are you going to let go of right now?