Why Alzheimer’s Is a Drag. Gratitude Experiment: Day 31

Even though it goes against the grain of my 100-day Gratitude Experiment, I feel the need today to write about why my Mom having Alzheimer’s is a drag.

I’m convinced that some gratitude will come to me by the time I finish writing this.  And I’m hoping these thoughts will help my readers cherish every moment they have with their loved ones.  And take nothing for granted.

My Mom having Alzheimer’s is a big fat drag because:

1. I wish I would have spent more quality time with her before she got sick.

2. I wish I had asked her if her favorite color was still yellow when she could still tell me.

3. I wish I would have paid better attention to the signs in the beginning.

4. I desperately wish for rare moments of clarity to happen when I am near.

5. I worry about her dignity.

6. Most healthcare workers have no clue how to treat a person with Alzheimer’s.  And it makes me want to help change happen.

7. She is afraid to take a bath.

8. I wish I could remember the name of that flowery lotion my grandmother used to give her every Christmas.  And I wish I had someone to ask that would know.

9. I worry about my Stepdad being sad and tired.

10. I worry about my Stepdad getting hurt and me not knowing.

11. I wonder how much of what I say she understands.

12. I wonder if I offend her by babying her.

13. I  wish I had taken better notes about my family history.

14. I wish I really knew when all this started – so hard to tell.

15. I worry about when the next shoe is going to drop.

16. I think about how she would not want to be this way.

17. I worry that she is frightened and she can’t express it.

18.  I’m scared to death it’s going to happen to me.

On the other hand, I am still able to be grateful because:  (whew, glad some gratitude came through)

1. I love it when I have what seems like a tiny a breakthrough with her.

2. I am happy when she smiles her old smile.

3.I love to be silly and make her laugh (when I use Three Stooges type humor it cracks her up).

4. I can tell she enjoys changing the bed sheets with me.  Especially if I’m silly while we’re doing it.

5. She’s still my Mom in there.

6.  I love that she said  really sweet things to me that day a year ago when I did her hair for her, when she was better able to comprehend and talk.

7. My stepdad is solid as a rock, and I love him for it.

8. I’m lucky that she lives close now so I don’t worry even more.

9. I can have these tiny moments of joy with her to always remember.

Thanks for reading.

11 thoughts on “Why Alzheimer’s Is a Drag. Gratitude Experiment: Day 31

  1. I found your blog today and read every single gratitude post in two sittings. You certainly have a way with words and I can relate to many things in your life, even though I am only a few years older than your kids. My mom has Frontotemporal Dementia and somehow I have become the Matriarch of my family at the tender age of 25. I’m glad to hear that you have a step-dad helping you in this journey because I often walk it alone. (My parents divorced when I was in middle school so Dad doesn’t help with Mom stuff and I’m the oldest child.) I love the gratitude theme. I have to remind myself often that there are reasons to be grateful and I’m glad that I’m not the only one. Today I am grateful that I found your blog. I look forward to reading more in the future.

    • Thank you so much for the kind words. I’m also glad you found my blog and sorry for all you are having to deal with. Trying the gratitude thing is great, it will surprise you how much it can affect your outlook. Thanks again so much for reading!

  2. In the two years since my Mother died, I have found myself making wish lists, too. I don’t know if we can ever think with such clarity of purpose on the “there is still time” side of loss.

  3. Very astute observations. I’m so glad you are still having some good moments with your mother and can find some gratitude in between the big, fat drag. Take care, Jane

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