Why I’m glad I didn’t punch anyone in the face today.

apalachicolaFor one thing, I’m sure I could have been arrested for assault and battery or something.

And the lawyer fees and such would be quite expensive and the whole process would have been quite a hassle  – making the punch hardly worth it.

Plus, I would have hurt my hand and I would have been embarrassed for losing my temper so easily.

Here’s the rundown of what happened:

I actually worked out this morning.  This is HUGE for me as I am out of shape and horrible about regular exercise.  And WAY out of practice.  And because my head was hurting after a tad too much wine last night with a friend.  Also because it’s been a hell of a last couple of weeks and I am fried.

But because I told my dear friend Yoda that I would go today, I sucked it up and went.  She takes me to her workout group sometimes with a trainer who leads a group of about five or six ladies for workouts on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.  Great group of people.  Except for the one I wanted to punch in the face today.  I know, I know… I sound so mean and severe.  Which is why you need more background.

So within the first 20 minutes, face punch gal corrects me on how I pronounced a place that I have been to many times, the Apalachicola area of Florida, which happened to come up in a conversation I was having with other people. She calls me out in front of the group and tells me that I mispronounced it  and proceeds to tell me slowly and loudly how Apalachicola is “actually pronounced.”  (I know, who does this?)  She tells me “there is no L at the end of Apalachicola.”  I irritatingly waved her off because I didn’t want to argue over something so ridiculous.  First off, there is an L in the end of Apalachicola.  Secondly, I’m a journalism major who strives to spell and pronounce things correctly, because I usually know how to.  Thirdly, who the heck cares if I even did mispronounce it, and why did she feel the need to correct me (wrongly at that) when I wasn’t even speaking to her?  I know this sounds petty, but It gets better.

For the next part of the workout, I got stuck on the mat next to face punch gal for several sets of exercises.  She proceeds to correct the way I was doing at least half of the exercises.  She even comments to the trainer that I wasn’t feeling the burn like she was since I was doing one of  the exercises incorrectly the whole time.  For real.  It gets even better.  And I hadn’t hit her yet.

Next, as she is seeing me struggle with keeping up with murderous abs exercises and hearing me actually grunt a little as I struggled to finish  (it was toward the end of our hour and remember, I am not in shape), I hear her ask the trainer why our workout was so easy today.  She confirmed that it would be harder on Friday and then asked if she could do some dead lifts with weights to make up for how easy the workout was.

It was right about that moment when if I could have physically mustered the strength to, I swear to you I wanted to punch her in the face repeatedly (metaphorically speaking of course).

I know I shouldn’t let people like this get to me, and I realize my wine headache probably wasn’t helping, but I don’t think people with such limited tact and social skills should be allowed to leave their houses, ever.

Thanks for your patience with my little face-punch rant, I know this was rather off-theme for me since I try to have some kind of grateful or positive slant to my posts as much as possible.

But some days, I’m just glad I didn’t punch anyone in the face.

42 thoughts on “Why I’m glad I didn’t punch anyone in the face today.

  1. I was laughing everytime you called her face punch gal. That must have been somewhat cathartic for you! It reminds me of when i broke up with someone, and he was really mad, and then a few weeks later I was lying next to him in a yoga class! in compromising positions, because I was a few minutes late and there was no where else to go! hehe. I survived with no comments, I’m glad you did too.

  2. Oh, I do know how you felt! Well done on the not punching her in the face! Have you come up with what you should have said? That’s what normally happens to me… haha. See you at Susie’s.

    • Oh so very many things came to mind after the fact, mostly with a lot of profanity. One person just suggested today that I should have said “I’ll pray for you dear.” That would totally throw her.

  3. I was over at Susie’s Party and I just want to say that I’m glad I stopped by. This story made me laugh, granted imagine it wasn’t funny at the time, but it is now. And I laughed because I’ve totally had these moments where I had to exercise self-restraint. I had one of those I’m-glad-I-didn’t-punch-anybody-in-the-face-but-I-hope-this-chic-falls-down-and-eats-it experiences today with a parking spot.

  4. I think making a voodoo doll in her image would be an appropriate response.
    Unfortunately, there are thousands of misguided people out there who think stepping on others makes them look taller. They’re not kidding anyone but themselves.

    • Man, you are so right about people who think stepping on others makes them look taller. I really am not able to understand how that mental process would work. I’ll let you know how the voodoo doll (with barbells) works out..

  5. Saw your link on Susie’s party ….
    Once someone tried to correct me in pronouncing my last name. Couldn’t face punch him because he was on the other end of the phone, but made sure to ear punch him!

  6. Oh my! I thought I only knew people like that! I once went to a class and toppled over after trying to balance on a ball..The instructor called me out and said and I am not kidding you, “Some people in my class should wear helmets.”
    No. I didn’t go back.
    Good on you using self-control. I am at a point in my life where I might have physically moved my mat away from her or said, “Stop picking on me!”

    Thanks for bringing this to the party! I hope you have and make some new friends!

  7. Saw you at Susie’s party and thought I’d check you out. Glad you didn’t punch anyone in the face. As a fellow Floridian I’ve become immensely aware of the cray-cray people that live in this state. This nosy person who seems overly concerned with your physical fitness sounds like someone who has no life and therefore requires self insertion into everyone else’s. Back when I worked in retail we got a lot of this particular breed. They were extremely annoying and it took deep breathing and counting to 100 when dealing with them. My hat is off to you and your self control. 😉

  8. So this isn’t a typical post for you? That sucks because I like prone to anger hungover people. How you didn’t say “listen here you passive aggressive bitch, I have two teens at home and I’ve been waiting to snap on somebody for years. If you say one more fucking thing to or about me, you’re leaving this gym with one of my shoestrings protruding from your asshole!” But, that’s just me I guess. Lol.

  9. Susie sent me over, and man, can I identify! I took a part-time job a while back and ended up quitting because of my own Face Punch Gal, whom I called “Office Lady.” Whenever I committed the slightest infraction, Office Lady would use her Soothing Psychotherapist Voice to enunciate carefully what I had done to offend her. For six months this went on…and on…and on. I had to leave, because I couldn’t take it anymore. You’re right – people with limited social tact and social skills really do need to stay at home. 🙂

    • Dealing with it on a daily basis… like you did with Office Lady … would have pushed me to the limits of actually punching. I can hear the soothing psychotherapist voice now. Perfect way to describe it. Arghhhhhh.

  10. Maladjusted Mel said it all. Sounds like envy to me and she felt threatened. How childish of her! Good for you that you had self-restraint. I sure as hell would have smacked her. 😉

  11. I don’t think the writers at SNL could dream up any better material. Bear in mind that the fruits of karma will eventually ripen in the life of face punch gal.

    • It was awesome material to work with. And I can picture Kristin Wigg (sp?) being face punch lady. Sort of like her character in that skit where she always had to outdo everyone’s stories at parties.

  12. I think most people feel the same way but might not say it. I’ve felt like that twice this week and was so happy I didn’t do it either. Yes, and I know, wine headaches make it worse. Great title and congratulations on using restraint.

  13. Ugh! She sounds awful! Good for you for not punching her – or at least saying something really mean in her face. I agree. Some people should not be allowed out.

    (Great post, though!)

  14. She was obviously threatened by your beauty and charisma … and felt the need to insult. Kudos for self-restraint.

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