I’ve always found that the easiest way to spot insecure people who lack confidence is to look for the ones in the room who are bragging the most and talking so much that others can’t get a word in edge-wise.
They feel the need to make sure that everyone knows how smart they are because I think they need reminding. They want to be sure you know that they were really the ones who came up with just about every idea first.
And often when they ask you a question they start reminding you of their expertise again before you can finish answering their question. This can be exhausting or humorous (laughing on the inside kind of funny). It depends on my mood.
Most of it comes down to listening which is a skill that I try to be mindful of and catch myself when I am talking more than listening.
I just read a great article on LinkedIn about the Nine Qualities of Truly Confident People.
These were my favorite points from the article:
-Truly confident people listen ten times more than they speak.
– Truly confident people don’t brag, instead usually they appear quiet and unassuming. … ” They already know what they think; they want to know what you think. They ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like about it, what you learned from it… and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.” (best line of the article.)
-Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more… and they know the only way to learn more is to listen more.
-Truly confident people can feel when the spotlight is starting to shine on them and they are able to adjust the spotlight so it shines on others, even if they did a lot of the work. They don’t need the glory because true validation comes from within. And letting others feel the spotlight helps others build their own confidence. Which is a good thing if you’re already confident.
-Truly confident people own their mistakes and can admit when they are wrong.
-Truly confident people only seek approval from people who matter. Another great line from the article: “You say you have 10k Twitter followers? Swell. 20k Facebook friends? Cool. A professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands? That’s great. But that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and respect of the few people in your life that truly matter.”
I remember insecure bullies at school when I was growing up. They bragged, jumped up and down to get the spotlight, didn’t let others talk and were fine with making others feel less than. They also weren’t my friends. Unfortunately school age bullies often grow up to be adult bullies, but I try to avoid the breed as much as possible.
Truly confident people are beautiful people.
How confident are you?
Empty vessels make the most noise. 🙂 That’s how it is I guess.
Good point. 🙂
This is something that we have to improve our whole life 🙂
I envy confident people. I practice being confident every single day and all to often I fail miserably.
Nice post. I agree completely. The most pushy, obnoxious people I know are also the most insecure people I know. Confident, secure people are humble and unassuming. They laugh at themselves not others. They let others take the credit and they take the blame–not out of a sense of low self-worth, but out of graciousness.
Am I confident? Trick question! 😉
Undeniably confident. 🙂
Great points. It’s funny things work out like that. I think truly confident people don’t put themselves down. They may be modest but they don’t undermine themselves.
Amongst my friends and family, I’m fairly confident. Amongst strangers, I try to zip my yap until I know them better. In certain social situations, such as when someone behaves like a jerk on the subway train, I can be confidence on steroids.
I listen A LOT – and I’m thinking it’s probably because most of my friends are very noisy people and love to talk about themselves 😀 But seriously, I love to listen to what other people have to say and I think that’s the writer in me (because there’s a always a story behind other people’s stories) Even though I’m known as a ‘quiet’ person, I feel I have an inner confidence that has really helped me through life 😉
I’ve never lacked for confidence and I’ve often been annoyed (occasionally entertained) by people who like to talk just to hear their head rattle. Isn’t that why they invented Facebook?
The funny think is that I was thinking just that about FB when I was writing this post!
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Well I’m not a beautiful person then; I don’t feel I am as confident as perhaps I should be. However saying that, I don’t identify with bragging or talking too much (well, I sometimes talk too much as I feel nervous). I know I certainly listen though, and consider others and how they feel; this consideration has in fact led me to feel insecure about me (as I took on all their B.S)! Oh, and I was bullied severely during school too.
A very interesting post, this gave me some great food for thought.
I would say I’m confident, which I think mainly stems from my genuine curiosity of people. If I engage in a conversation I’m guaranteed to be the one asking questions, inquiring about their thoughts/feelings and expressing my interest through active listening. I really don’t know any other way to engage than to be this way. I really do want to hear what people have to say and what their experiences are.
Nothing irks me more than people who tell me what they “know”, that’s not a conversation that’s a monologue.
Those are people I avoid engaging in conversation with, as much as possible.
Confidence is a beautiful attribute. It’s so interesting how you pointed out that the more confident a person is, the more they let others shine. I’ve never thought of that so specifically, but it’s very true.
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