Whew. I am wiped. What a weekend. Wonderful time with my dad, stepmom and niece in town. One of the best weekends I can remember in a while. I am so grateful that they all battled the craziness of the airports to come for the weekend. Truly thankful.
But I do feel almost guilty for how heavy my last post was. There’s that subconscious Catholic guilt again. But I just had to get all that out there, and it helped. Thanks for muddling through all this self-discovery with me. It’s way cheaper than therapy. So I owe you.
September 22 is always a weird day, not only because my sister died on that day, but also because it is my Mother’s birthday. For real. Yes, I know. That is messed up with a capital M. In a big way. Don’t even get me started on that.
At any rate, my out-of- town company family left this afternoon and then a few hours later, my mom and stepdad came for dinner to celebrate my mother’s birthday (a day late but trust me, she’s not counting — sorry that was awful). I could tell she thought the whole cake and presents thing was fun, but she really had no clue why we were all singing to her. She was very puzzled (Alzheimer’s has a tendency to do that). And when it was time to leave, she went to the laundry room. In total, she said about five or six words tonight. But she faked it pretty well. Glad she can still pull it off.
For years, my sister and I always co-hosted dinner for my mom on her birthday. We would flip a coin as to who would host and then sort of whine and complain all the while because it was always a little bit of an awkward night for reasons hard to explain. But none of those nights hold a candle to the out of body experiences I have like tonight with my mom. It’s like I’m watching a movie of someone else’s life in partially slow motion, and with German subtitles that I don’t understand.
But anyway, back to the gratitude which has really affected everything in my life, for real. I am grateful for my family that visited and the wonderful time we had. And that dinner with my mom went so well, and that she seemed genuinely happy. Thanks for reading.
Your so brave and a WONDERFUL daughter.
Can Catholic guilt ever be subconscious? 😉 I love how you always return to something positive. That’s what I try to do. I used to keep a gratitude journal in my “dark days.” Now my days are so filled with joy, I just record daily events–things I take note of that I may want to remember.
I am so sorry about your sister – this very sad indeed. But I’m glad you had a lovely weekend with your dad.