Middle Age: five indicators that you’ve probably arrived.

alcoholpizzalock

1. You yearn to be ID’d at the liquor store

2. You  must ask the Pizza Delivery guy what the total says on the receipt before you add a tip and sign (especially after dusk).

3. You have actually used a tiny flashlight in a dark restaurant so you could read the menu – even with your glasses.

4.Your  stomach has transformed into someone else’s stomach that is much softer. (And pizza doesn’t seem to be helping.)

5. You’re in denial.  Today in order to use my new little combo luggage lock I bought for my yoga locker, I had to hide my cheapo reader glasses up on top of the lockers in order to be sure I’d be able to see the combo and get back into my locker after class. (I made sure the two half naked 20 year olds discussing Paris weren’t watching as I reached up to grab them – would have been too humiliating – because Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.)

8 thoughts on “Middle Age: five indicators that you’ve probably arrived.

  1. #5 had me in stitches. And it reminded me of when my husband finally went for his eye exam at lenscrafters, and found out he needs reading glasses! A fact the whole family knew for quite some time. They tried to sell him expensive glasses. he took their fancy prescription and matched it as closely as he could to a pair at reading glasses at walgreen’s for a few dollars! A those prices he was able to afford a pair for work too! Although he hasn’t quite gotten the courage to take either of these pairs to the restaurant, so I tip and add for him.

  2. My desire to ride in the buggy with the motorized seat gets stronger each time I go grocery shopping.. i wonder how many miles my poor legs have clocked going up & down the aisles..

  3. The sixth indicator: keratoses and lengitines (aka liver spots and “senile freckles”). Of course, I am deeper into middle age by an ice ago or so…..

  4. I hear you on all of these. I am blind as a bat now. And I have to get someone else to read the words on the back of medication packages now. One of these days I’m going to end up taking one too many Gravol just because I can’t read the words. And if you think I’d remember how many, well that is a whole other issue LOL…

  5. Grudgingly, I like this post. Not because I relate, but because of your superior writing. Yeah. In particular, I especially don’t relate to the denial part. Nor do I relate to what you said about having a pair of glasses on every floor of the house and in one’s purse.

  6. Wait until you reach old age and you find yourself reading everything on Kindle because you can make the type really big and you check each DVD to be sure it has close captioning.

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